Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He has the fingertips of a God
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