i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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