So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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