and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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