I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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