I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
