We're facebook friends in real life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
