my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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