I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I smell stomach acid.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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