Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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