he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's always time for handjobs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
