i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found your dick twin last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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