He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
