she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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