Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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