I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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