whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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