At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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