Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR