just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.