is your mom at the bar?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
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At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?