Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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