mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
