I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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