So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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