So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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