I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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