she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
