No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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