Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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