I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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