Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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