I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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