cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
