We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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