Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
