We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
