The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize