That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
