All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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