i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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