Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
