I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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