All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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