hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
