in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
