Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
