loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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