this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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