Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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