her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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