I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
